


Need

by Jake_the_space_cat



Series: A Creature of Pride (transmasc!Kim AU) [1]
Category: Disco Elysium (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon, FTM, Gen, Mentors, Pre-Canon, Precinct 57, Teen Angst, Teenagers, Trans Character, Trans Kim Kitsuragi, Trans Male Character, Transmasc, apparently all I can write is scenes where two people talk while outside in the dark smoking, trans!Kim Kitsuragi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29408517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jake_the_space_cat/pseuds/Jake_the_space_cat
Summary: The most important bargains you strike are the ones you don't know you're making.Junior Officer Kim Kitsuragi's already part of the RCM. But now he'll never leave.Transmasc!Kim AU. I've tweaked the timeline in a few ways, including having Kim join as a junior officer very young, in his teens, because AU, baby, and I do what I want to get my themes to work.(Also I appear to have unintentionally written/be writing a sequence, so hey! I guess this is a series now.)
Series: A Creature of Pride (transmasc!Kim AU) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2160411
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Need

_He’ll be shocked. And grateful - and hate himself for it. Pretend you don’t see that. There’s a moment in everyone’s life when you realize the power need has over you. It’s not a proud moment._

Aubin Lafronde takes a side-long look at the boy leaning against the wall next to him. The single light above them buzzes, strobes the abandoned loading dock in and out of darkness. Kitsuragi’s positioned himself carefully, right at the edge of the light. His clothes make him hard to see when it flickers. Aubin suspects Kitsuragi doesn’t own anything that isn’t black. 

He’s the right age for that. A teenager uncertain whether he wants to be visible or invisible. Hard enough for some kids, harder for ones like Kitsuragi. 

_Just make him think you’re offering him a choice and not a bargain. Let him tell himself this isn’t about survival. You’ve been on the other side of this. Remember how it feels._

“So.” Aubin watches Kitsuragi jump. The kid tries to cover for it, turn the movement into straightening up to pull a loose cigarette from the inner pocket of his oversized leather jacket, but it isn’t convincing. He knows what they’re out here to talk about, Aubin would put good money on it. And he’s already steeling himself for disappointment, preparing to turn it into defiance. Preparing to defend himself.

“Your paperwork finally came in today.” Another almost imperceptible pause from Kitsuragi, tension breaking the motion of fishing out that metal lighter he always has on him. Whether the kid begged, bought, or stole it, Aubin doesn’t know, but it’s an odd conceit for a teenager. Not flashy. It doesn’t scream Revolutionary. Only adults who’d lived through the upheaval might recognize it, and middle-aged nostalgia isn’t the reaction teens usually aim for. It suggests a private self, a part of Kitsuragi that doesn’t shape itself entirely around fear or anger or self-protection. It’s a good sign.

Kitsuragi stays silent, focusing on the ritual of flipping the lighter open, striking it, lighting the cigarette. Avoiding looking up.

“Martel told me about the bureaucratic errors.” That gets Kitsuragi’s attention; he looks up and over sharply, eyebrows drawn down. He knows what Aubin is talking about, but not what he _means._

Aubin sighs, theatrically. “I know you two work well together, but Martel has no ability to think creatively.” He pinches the bridge of his nose, and then looks up at the night sky as though seeking strength. 

_Make it obvious you’re acting. Let him know you're clear on what’s actually going on._

“He can’t imagine it. Someone in some office somewhere slipping up one time, getting one letter wrong, and screwing someone over like that. A fucking typographical error. What if they’d misspelled ‘Place of Birth: Revachol’ instead? Would he think twice about that?” He looks over at Kitsuragi, who’s still watching him, cigarette burning forgotten in his hand. He’s still confused - wanting to catch on, but not wanting to get his hopes up. Convinced he isn’t understanding correctly.

“Look, things were a mess after the occupation. Maybe they lost your original documents, fucked them up replacing them, nobody cared because who the hell cares about files when there are maybe two buildings left standing in the whole city. Then later…” Aubin shrugs. “Nobody cared because that’s not what they’re paid to do.”

“I told Martel that. And told him, look, we’re not letting one bureaucratic finger-slip fuck up a good thing for the RCM. You’re an exemplary junior officer, Kitsuragi. You’re dedicated, you actually take criticism, you keep coming back.”

Kitsuragi notices the cigarette again, flicks it away even though it’s not yet burned down, starts to speak.

Aubin gestures sharply with one hand, cuts him off. “I told him we’d fix it, and we have. The error’s not going into our system. Anywhere. I can’t do anything about it outside of the precinct, but this is where it matters most.

“Martel’s good now. You’ll keep working with him. He’s not a deep thinker, but I trust him. And I know you’re doing good work with him. Okay?”

Kitsuragi nods. He’s dazed, almost reaches to take off his glasses. 

_There it is. You really throw this kid for a loop, and he hides himself where the world doesn’t exist, if only for a blurry moment or two._

The teen catches himself and shifts awkwardly, tries to figure out what to do with his hands instead. Ends up jamming them into his pockets. It’s a very kid posture, no self-assurance about it.

Aubin looks away, back out at the empty loading dock. 

_He’ll need time and space to collect himself. He won’t feel like the adult he wants to believe he is tonight. Maybe not for a while. We might not see him for a week or two._

_But we'll see him again._

“Head home, Kitsuragi. Think about your classes tomorrow. Focus on doing what you’re good at. But keep coming back. We need you.”

_And you need us._

_I hope there’s a kinder future out there for you. A better bargain to strike. A bigger world to belong to. A world where you don’t have to serve Revachol’s only legal besmertie to buy what you need to survive._

_Let’s get you through the next decade or two alive and see._

**Author's Note:**

> Aubin is a saint's name, and apparently said saint was good at busting folks miraculously out of prison. Irony~~
> 
> La Fronde is a revolutionary/civil war period in French history. My knowledge of French history is poor, but it seems to have been a people's uprising against taxation, which ended with the monarchy having even greater power. Also it was a war where quite a few women passed as men in order to fight, apparently! I'm sure some queer folks took that opportunity and ran with it. Both associations seemed appropriate for the setting and themes.
> 
> Hell if I know what Aubin's rank is. Somebody who gets to see personnel files and has enough pull to make calls about them. /shrug /maybe he just has friends in high places


End file.
